• Hofan 可凡

你給予,我接受,親愛的爸媽



I've been reading Bert Hellinger's book entitled "Love's Hidden Symmetry." In there are some phrases affirming the full acceptance of the two human beings who gave me life.

What's interesting is that Hellinger's phrases, which have become canon, was used by him as an evolving process, as is evident by this Q&A: Q: When you give people sentences to say, you're very directive. It's almost as if you're telling people what to do. Hellinger: Yes, on the surface, I'm very directive. But the actual process is more complicated. I'm constantly watching, trying to see where people want to go and where they are stuck. When there's a systemic entanglement involved, clients can't find the liberating sentences by themselves -- that requires a knowledge of the dynamics of systems they don't usually have. If I find a sentence that might be helpful, I send it up like a test balloon and watch it carefully to see what happens. I can quickly see if I've offered a sentence that helps, or if my offer was off-target. It's it's off target, then I let the client lead me to another. It's trial and error. It's very clear to everyone when we find sentences that help. The client is directing me, and I do my best to follow faithfully.


You can try reading them to see how it makes you feel: Dear Mama/Mother,

I take everything that comes from you,

all of it, with its full consequences.

I take it at the full price it cost you

and that it cost me.

I will make of it something good in memory of you-

to thank and honor you.

What you did must not have been in vain.

I hold it close and in my heart,

and if I am permitted, I will pass it on

-- as you have done.


I take you as my mother,

and you may have me as your child (son, daughter)

You are my only mother and I am your child.

You are big, and I am little.

You give, I take, dear Mama. I'm glad you took Daddy as your husband.

You both are the right parents for me. Dear Daddy/Father,

I take everything that comes from you,

all of it, with its full consequences.

I take it at the full price it cost you

and that it cost me.

I will make of it something good in memory of you-

to thank and honor you.

What you did must not have been in vain.

I hold it close and in my heart,

and if I am permitted, I will pass it on

-- as you have done.


I take you as my father,

and you may have me as your child (son, daughter)

You are my only father and I am your child.

You are big, and I am little.

You give, I take, dear Daddy. I'm glad you took Mama as your wife.

You both are the right parents for me.

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